The dumb bitch is me
On karmic retribution, Crash Landing on You, and some book recommendations
Hiiiiii everybody!
God, it’s been so long since I’ve written a regular Substack post that isn’t a classic recap or me desperately trying to spruik my book like a I’m a late night 2000s-era phone sex ad (ooh, my book is so BIG and so LONELY, she’s begging you to PRE-ORDER her ALL NIGHT LONG, etc). You haven’t missed much; probably the most exciting thing that’s happened to me in the last month or two was when I discovered a weird mole in my Downstairs Area and Dr Google told me it could be something serious. I was a bit worried it might be karmic retribution for the scene in my first novel where the main character pretends that her mother is ill:
‘We’ve just found out that she—she has cancer. One of the…bad kinds…of cancer.’
‘Terribly sad news,’ Philomena said, reaching out and patting Lorrie awkwardly on the shoulder. ‘What sort of cancer exactly?’
What was with all the questions? What was this, the Spanish Inquisition? Fuck. What was a good kind of fake cancer? She needed something that would shut down the conversation. Something Philomena wouldn’t ask too many questions about. Something like—
‘Pubic. She has pubic cancer.’
‘Philomena’s eyes widened. Lorrie inwardly grimaced. Why had she gone with pubic cancer? Was that even a thing? Well, she’d said it now. She may as well roll with it.
‘She found a…polyp in her, um, pubic area? And they, um, took out a…chunk. For testing.’
How did this not win the Miles Franklin. Anyway, the good news is that I went to get the mole checked and and they confirmed that I do not have pubic cancer! They didn’t even need to take out a chunk for testing! Woohoo! On the other hand, it’s kind of a shame that I didn’t turn out to be a literary clairvoyant given that in my new book the main character’s mother wins the bloody lottery.
Aside from the pubic cancer scare, I’ve been keeping busy starting a third novel, which so far consists of one excellent idea and about 200 rubbish words that I will probably throw out. The fun thing is that it’s a historical novel which means I can spend my days reading Hilary Mantel and listening to history podcasts and say I am ‘working’, lol. What a scam! Please don’t tell my boss, she’d be furious if she found out what I was up to—although honestly if that dumb bitch wants me to be PRODUCTIVE she should probably consider PAYING ME A LIVING WAGE.
(NB yeah, I’m still self-employed. The dumb bitch is me.)
SCREEN
I’m finding it a bit hard to fall in love with TV shows, lately. Not sure if this is reality or perception, but I feel like the quality of shows being made has dropped a bit in the last couple of years? One exception to this was The Studio (Apple TV+), a truly hilarious satire of the modern movie studio which managed to be both super funny and unbearably stressful, and which even featured an homage to the greatest film of the last 50 years (Weekend at Bernie’s). My only complaint was that it was over too soon.
In the absence of compelling new shows, I’ve been dipping into the TV archives to watch some things I missed when they came out. Most notably, my whole family, from my eight year old daughter to my 78 year old mother, have been OBSESSED with Korean drama from 2019, Crash Landing On You (Netflix).
Crash Landing on You is an adorable show about a woman from a wealthy South Korean family who accidentally paraglides into North Korea. After getting stuck in a tree, she literally falls on top of Captain Ri, a problematically good looking officer in the North Korean army, and the sparks? Oh, they are flying.
On a plot level, CLOY is essentially a preposterous soap opera—and yet I found it utterly irresistible. It had basically had everything I want from TV: romantic longing! Comic side characters! Interesting cultural differences! Murderous plots! Shoot-outs! Dramatic backstories! Complex family relationships! Classical piano! A nuanced exploration of the different experiences of living under an oppressive communist regime and a hyper capitalist society! Immaculate knitwear!
The show also features a bizarre amount of Subway product placement, and my curiosity about this led me to discover a 26 minute John Oliver segment all about how terrible Subway is, and now I will never be eating at Subway again. Great job, product placement ad guys!
One thing I particularly enjoyed about CLOY was that the characters often behave selflessly and honourably in a way that feels sort of old-fashioned—I’m so used to scheming and selfishness on TV that it’s a little shocking to see people being good to each other. There are a few stone cold villains, but on the whole the characters—even those who initially appear to be baddies—are given complexity and depth.
Another old-fashioned thing about CLOY is that although there are many scenes of these two hotties gazing intensely at each other—
— there’s no sex. There’s a little bit of low-key kissing, but most of the desire is expressed without the leads even touching each other, and yet somehow the chemistry is palpable.1 The main characters demonstrate their love not through non-stop banging, nor even through grand gestures, or brazen declarations—but rather through quiet actions that show that they are paying attention, that they are thinking about each other’s happiness. I am rarely won over by romance on screen, but this was genuinely moving. I loved it.
BOOKS
I’ve read a few things lately that I’d recommend:
Two novels by American writer Liz Moore: The God of the Woods, and Long Bright River. Both are well-written crime fiction, with nuanced characters and non-exploitative plots—I’ll definitely be seeking out her other work.
Stone Yard Devotional, by Charlotte Wood. I loved this, and found it surprisingly gripping for a semi-plotless novel about a woman living in a convent and dealing with a mouse plague. I’ve now read almost all of last year’s Booker shortlist—not deliberately, I just happen to have picked them up—and have enjoyed all of them; good job, Booker judges! Perhaps I should get started on this year’s batch.
Transcendent Kingdom, by Yaa Gyasi. I read this because I really enjoyed her first novel (Homegoing), and it didn’t disappoint. It’s a reflective, gentle novel which explores addiction, family and faith in a Ghanian-American family—it reminded me a lot of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (whose work I love).
OTHER
A few interesting things I’ve read/seen lately:
Daisy Goodwin’s piece on the emotional consequences of being disinherited by her mother: ‘…when a beloved parent dies, what is being parceled out may look like goods and chattels but it feels a lot like love. A parent’s will is not just a legal document, it is the last expression of their thoughts and feelings towards their children. It is a testament of love.’
Lena Dunham on fame, weight and disability: ‘As a teen, I had an image that would spring into my head- me, standing in a collapsing room, holding the walls back. It was how I saw my relationship to my own weight- that at any point, I was towing the line between having an acceptable body and an unacceptable one via sheer force of will.’
This LRB hitpiece on Ocean Vuong’s latest novel was so brutal it had me reading it with my hands over my mouth...and yet I could not look away: ‘I groaned my way through The Emperor of Gladness. I writhed. I felt real despair every time I forced myself to open the covers. It was one of the worst ordeals of my reading life.’ Yikes.
One day over the school holidays when my kids were at their grandparents’ place, I found myself watching the entirety of this 3 hour YouTube video analysing every stage of Carrie and Big’s relationship on Sex and The City. Why? I can’t tell you. I was never even that into SATC! Still, this Carrie vs Big recap was a weirdly satisfying way to give my brain a little holiday…and now I hope to never think about either of them ever again.
That’s all for now! For my next newsletter, I think I’ll do another classic recap—does anyone have an opinion on what I should cover?
Until next time,
Eleanor xx
The screen chemistry was probably helped along by the fact that the two lead actors fell in love IRL during the making of the show, and are now married with a baby. Aw!
Yay for new novel! Also, I really enjoyed The Four Seasons on Netflix if you haven’t watched it and need a funny show